Sentimental Upgrades

It's funny.
When you meet your significant other, it's like every love song you hear applies to you and feels like it was written just for the two of you.

When you find out you're going to be a mother, it happens all over again. Every song has lyrics that apply to how much you love your baby. Every sweet song makes your heart bubbly and excited.

For Noah James

"For the way you changed my plans
For being the perfect distraction
For the way you took the idea I have
of everything I wanted to have
Made me see there was something missing...

You're the best thing I never knew I needed
so when you were here, I had no idea
You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So now it's so clear, I need you here always...

My accidental happily ever after
The way you smile and how you comfort me
with your laughter
I must admit you were not a part of my book
but now if you open it up and take a look
you're the beginning and end of every chapter..."
~Never Knew I Needed by Ne-Yo

A Fresh Start

I constantly had to walk on eggshells with you. I felt awkward sharing my opinions and innermost thoughts or ideas, afraid of your judgments or laughter.

If I wanted any kind of peace between us, I had to be the one to apologize on hands and knees, whether I was in the wrong or not.

I always had to agree with your opinions, it was easier than enduring another long winded argument. When we did argue, I never got to say my piece. You would go for minutes on end explaining your hurt or your reasons, but when I tried to get in one word you'd cut me off again.

My feelings were a joke to you. You were allowed to be hurt and upset, but if I even dared to feel that way you'd scoff and call me dramatic.

I felt weak if I cried around you. You always assumed I was 'using my tears on you' and had no problem telling me so.

You were allowed to feel, where instead I always had to suck it up and get over it.

You played games I could never 'win'. I was always wrong, no matter how logically I acted or thought.

I let you cut me off to finish your own thoughts. I never argued about that because I didn't want another pointless argument.

On the outside, others looking in were confused. Calling me foolish, demanding I speak my mind, trying not to laugh at how stupid I was being for letting you treat me like I was beneath you. And you, you trained me so well, even when I wasn't in your prescence, I defended you. I stood up for you.
How pathetic is that?

Even when I left, you tried to keep your hold on me. Always trying to prove that you were the strong one and I was the weak one. Always trying to convince me that my choices were wrong.

Even when I was more than a thousand miles away I was still afraid of you. Afraid of your judgments, afraid of your ridicule, anxious that anything I did share with you would be met with the same lack of interest.

So...

I stopped letting you have that control. It doesn't matter what you think of my choices, because I don't regret a single thing. Every choice I've made has led me to where I am, and I'm happy.

I stopped sharing with you, because I didn't want you smearing my happiness with your opinions. Your opinions aren't necessary.

I stopped being the eternal listener and let you hear what I had to say.

I stopped defending and protecting you. What's the point? You've alienated everyone we know and you're constantly telling whoever will listen how much you don't need them anyway.

I stopped thinking I was beneath you. Because I'm not.

So when you tell me: "I miss you. Or at least the person you used to be."

I'm not surprised.
But I feel really sad for you.
Sad that the only person you want me to be is your pathetic little minion.

Blog Hop #13 “Thoughts on Time”

Once upon a Time.

Lose track of time.
Time goes on.
Time stood still.
Changing with the Times.
Father Time.
Waste of Time.
Time running out.
All things heal with Time.
New York Times.
Night Time.
Quiet Time.
Bed Time.
Time zone.
Current Time.
Daylight Savings Time.
Part Time.
Full Time.
Time Bomb.
Out of Time.
Nick of Time.
Telling Time.
Time flies.
Time travel.
Time of your life.
Summer Time.
Winter Time.
Spring Time.
Two Timing.
Feels like the first Time.
Matter of Time.
About Time.
Ahead of one’s Time.
Play Time.
Pressed for Time.
From Time to Time.
Kill Time.
Stitch in Time.
High Times.
Good Times.
Bad Times.
Hard Times.
Time being.
On Time.
Pass the Time.
Crunch Time.

End of Time.

GBE Wk 16: Child to Parent

I have been The Child.
I woke up early to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings. I would argue that I could pour my own bowl of cereal without spilling. I played pretend with my Barbie dolls and would tuck my stuffed animals in before I fell asleep.

I've been The Teenager.
My friends were more important to me than anything else. My hair color changed with my mood. Every song that came out that year was 'my song'. I both loved and hated high school. I was both insecure and invincible.

I have been The Lover.
He could do no wrong. Every goodbye was painful. Every letter was kept in a pink shoebox under my bed. I circled our initials in red hearts in my journal. Every conversation was new and exciting.

I have been The Newlywed.
That first year was a learning experience beyond any other. Everything changed. That was the year I grew up the most, learned the most, fought the most. Without that year there wouldn't have been a second, or third...

Now I'm embarking on a new journey. Motherhood.
Am I scared?
No.
I'm terrified.
But I'm also excited.
And I can't wait to meet that beautiful little boy.

My First Award: The Liebster Award

I'm positively tickled! Word Nerd has nominated me for a Liebster award!
What is a Liebster Award? An acknowledgment passed from blogger to blogger. It has been passed to me and now I must pass it to my 5 favorite bloggers. Who will be:

Kim Iverson: http://www.ahbrowne.com/

Laura Rogers: http://stoopinitinthesuburbs.blogspot.com/

Jenn Duffy-Pearson: http://www.wine-n-chat.com/

Conjure Oils: http://conjureoils.blogspot.com/

Maggie: http://mychildisveryadvanced.blogspot.com/

The Liebster Award should be spread to five favorite blogs/bloggers.
Awardees should thank and link back to the sender.
 To qualify, recipients must currently have fewer than 200 followers.

Now pass it on my lovelies!

30 Weeks

Well, this week I'm at 30 weeks and thus the countdown begins. Granted there are 10 weeks left in my pregnancy, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Baby will arrive on the expected due date. It may be late or even early. So I figure anytime after 32-34 weeks, it's all systems go. I'm getting nervous about the impending labor & delivery but I try not to think about the scary part and focus on the 'finally having the baby here' part.

James is doing well, he keeps himself busy with household projects and his new truck. (It's actually far from new but it's something he can fix up in a matter of days and have running.)

Other than that, it's been pretty tame and quiet. Our weekends usually include a trip to Mag's Coffee for sausage rolls and a Vanilla Custard latte. Sometimes we hit up the Farmers Market or Home Depot and our nights are usually made of movie marathons and snuggling.

And whenever I get that restless feeling, I remind myself that free weekends and bouts of spontanaeity are coming to a close and just to enjoy them while I can. Once Baby is here it'll be more about routines, schedules and trying to keep up. :)

Labor Day Weekend: Off with a bang!

It's Friday night of Labor Day weekend. All I wanted to do was visit one of my girls at her new digs, enjoy some chitchat and maybe a slice of cheesecake. Instead, my poor husband is wrist deep in our garbage disposal trying to solve the Mystery Clog.
Hopefully we can figure out the problem soon so we don't spend the rest of the weekend waterless and frustrated. Keep your fingers crossed for us.