It helps me each day to believe that you're with me.
You're on the back of a yellow monarch's wings.
Or in the petals of yellow roses.
Or in the first whispers of Fall in the air.
Does it mean that my heart no longer aches when I think of my future without you in it?
Of course not.
Does it hurt me knowing you'll never meet the man who makes me so happy?
Or that I'll never watch you hold my newborn son?
Of course it does.
Sometimes the reality of your abscence hits me like it did the very first time and I cannot breathe.
I realize that no matter how much love and happiness I have in my life, there will always be a lonliness in my heart that can never be filled.
And the little life growing wild inside me, only brings me back to that realization even more these days.
I feel your presence and abscence all at the same time and it makes my heart and soul ache with confusion.